Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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