Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
