it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
