wanna go halves on a baby?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
