Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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