i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
