a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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