you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
