He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
