It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
