I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
