I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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