he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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