I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
