Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
