I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
