I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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