I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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