my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
