you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
