I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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