Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
