No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
