i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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