it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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