New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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