Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
