Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
