Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
