you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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