I can text with my tongue
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
