FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
