You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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