I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
