If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
