I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
