neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
