Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
