yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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