It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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