Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
