Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
