even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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