after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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