Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
