You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
