i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
