I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
