...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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