Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
