omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
